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I’m Going to be Raw for a Minute..

This morning, while sitting at the Sheriff’s office (getting fingerprints done for a job – DON’T FREAK OUT), the precinct received a call for Domestic Abuse. The call was for a welfare check on a girl that called into work without an excuse by her co-workers because they know that she is in an abusive relationship.

I guess I’ve never really talked about that part of my life, but this morning something tugged on my heart to do so.

First, I prayed for that girl. Oh my gosh, I just sat in my car and prayed for her. Second, I was grateful for her – that she has friends who care enough to call and check on her. Third, flashbacks.

About 14 years ago, I was in a very abusive relationship. Bruises everywhere, walked with my head down, isolated myself from everything. I can’t tell y’all how good I was at hiding those bruises. I mean, no one knew.

He would show up at my work to yell at me. He would randomly appear at places he knew I would be without him. He hit me, a lot. He choked me while driving down the freeway. He called me every name in the book.

Prior to this, I was that girl who would say “How could anyone let a man hit them, etc”.

I can’t tell you how painful my life was for 13 months. I can’t put into words the humiliation, the depression and the anxiety I had during that time.

I can’t tell you how long it took me to ever trust a living soul again.

I can tell you the day I walked away. He had given me a black eye. Guess what? I couldn’t figure out a way to cover that up. I couldn’t hide it. People knew. Those very close to me knew and chose to be silent.

I can promise you, I am the voice for those women who are too scared to walk away. I am the voice for the women who go to bed every night wondering if they will see sunlight again.

Not many people in my life know this side of me. I don’t think I’ve talked about it since it happened. However, today that girl needed a voice and her friends came to her rescue.

Choose wisely who you allow into your life. Choose to be outspoken. Choose to be loved. Choose to not hold your past against anyone coming into your future.

Biggest lesson my father ever taught me was to never judge anyone. People think that I’m crazy when my anxiety is through the roof and I over-analyze everything, but there was a day when just breathing was the goal.

I’ve come a long way in 14 years. I have fought a lot of battles on my own.

To any women out there that are struggling with leaving…. LEAVE. I promise you, it’s going to get worse if you stay.

“He always apologized, and sometimes he would even cry because of the bruises he had made on her arms, legs or back. He would say that he hated what he’d done, but in the next breath tell her she deserved it. That if she had been more careful, it wouldn’t have happened. That if she had been paying attention or hadn’t been so stupid, he wouldn’t have lost his temper.”

To the few men I’ve allowed into my life, please know that I trust you with every ounce of my being. <3

I love you Sixx Cool Moms community! Thanks for being part of my journey. Even when it’s not so great.

If you want to hear more from survivors of abusive relationships please check out the Bad Ask Moms, “Why I Stayed” series.

Author: Krystal Jean

Krystal Jean, is a Florida mom to 11-year-old twins, and bonus mom to a 14 year-old. Krystal love meeting new people, traveling, journaling, sports, and is currently the Market Director of Cool Moms of Volusia County.

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