Okay, ladies, it’s time for some real talk about … vaginas. And how a little something called Morpheus8 can get your vag back to its best self, living its best life.
We all know that once we pop a kid or two out of us (or a dozen, if you’re really enthusiastic), then all hell breaks loose down in the lower regions. Sneeze? Pee your pants. Cough? Pee your pants. Laugh a little too hard at that totally relatable TikTok video? Pee. Your. Pants.
Oh, I’m sorry, are you still pregnant with baby number one? Well, brace yourself, because it’s coming … When your gyno tells you to do those Kegels, take them seriously and practice flexing that pelvic floor for all its worth because, trust us, you’re one allergy season away from ruining an entire drawer full of drawers when the sneeze-pees come for you.
Sorry, but there’s just no sugarcoating it. The more kids you have, the older you get, the harder it is to maintain that fit-ass pelvic floor. And who actually remembers to do Kegel exercises? Personally, the only time I remember to do them is when I read or hear the word Kegel so …
What’s going on down there??
The technical term for sneeze peeing (if you insist on being proper about it) is stress incontinence.
The Mayo Clinic sums it up like this:
“Stress incontinence happens when physical movement or activity — such as coughing, laughing, sneezing, running or heavy lifting — puts pressure (stress) on your bladder, causing you to leak urine. Stress incontinence is not related to psychological stress.”
How does this kind of thing happen?
Basically, the muscles that support the urethra and control the release of urine get weaker as we go through childbirth and just good old aging. That makes it more likely that our bladders will leak any time some sort of force is exerted on the pelvic muscles and abdomen, i.e. sneezing, coughing, laughing, lifting, bending over.
Okay, so how do we fix it?
Your doctor will recommend doing Kegels to help whip that pelvic floor back into shape.
How to Kegel
Empty your bladder, then sit or lie down
Tighten the muscles in your pelvic floor (like trying to stop peeing midstream) and hold for 3 to 5 seconds
Relax the muscles for 3 to 5 seconds
Repeat 10 times, three times a day
But with the constant fog of Mom Brain, who actually is going to remember to stop and flex that sexy pelvic floor even once a day, let alone three times?
Luckily, there have been people working on ways to help us get that 20-something vajayjay back. One of those treatments is with Morpheus8.
So is this a red pill/blue pill situation?
Wrong Morpheus.
Morpheus8 is a procedure that combines microneedling with radiofrequency. It has been used a lot in facial rejuvenation. Microneedling “promotes a healing response in which collagen proliferation increases.” Radiofrequency encourages tissue remodeling, including thickening and tightening.
The Morpheus8 device is used a lot in facials because it has shown improvements for sagging jowls and necklines, acne scarring, wrinkles, sun damage, even stretch marks. Now, that device is being used to help improve pelvic floors.
Microneedling is something that has been used for years. It basically creates tons of microinjuries, causing your body to produce more collagen and elastin as it heals. There is very little pain with microneedling (this is definitely not a tattoo-on-spring-break kind of needling).
The Morpheus8 essentially strengthens the vaginal wall, which lifts up the bladder and urethra. Voila, less stress incontinence!
But wait, there’s more!
Morpheus8 can have a whole lot of benefits for your vag. Sure, not peeing every time you watch a Melissa McCarthy movie is a huge plus. But you can even see an improvement to your sex life.
First off, we want to be clear that having sex – no matter how many partners or how many times you do it – is not going to stretch your vaginal canal out, so if your hubby/boyfriend/partner has said that to you, it’s bullshit and they can take several seats.
The vagina is like a hair tie – it’s made to stretch and go back, repeat. Sure, over time the elasticity is going to break down in the pelvic floor, but that’s thanks to aging and childbirth, not penile girth.
Morpheus8 has been shown to improve sensation during intercourse and increase orgasmic capacity. It can help with vulva pain (vulvar vestibulitis) and dryness. It can even tighten up that labia and boost your sex drive.
I know that the thought of having anything to do with needles going towards your lady bits sounds freaky. Haven’t our vaginas been through enough??
But seriously, what would you do to get your pre-baby vagina back?
Author: Jessica Neff is a mom, writer, photographer, born-again baker and failed housekeeper. She’s living the doublewide dream as a reporter down in Texas with her fiancé and two daughters. Jessica is also the Market Director for Cool Moms of Dallas-Fort.
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